Editor’s Note: This intro was written when I was roughly a quarter of the way through the list of games in this collection. This lack of foresight and planning is largely to blame for the tonal shift the article undertakes in its latter half. Due to the somewhat humorous result of this mistake, and upon rereading the article in full several times, I’ve decided to keep the intro as is.
Nintendo recently published a compilation of tabletop games for their Switch console entitled Clubhouse Games: 51 Worldwide Classics, and it is delightful. Its charming presentation, audiovisual design, and user experience are all top-notch. Even better, the amount of respect and enthusiasm the developers have for gaming history shines through every facet of the package as clear as day. Each title is introduced via a humorous dialogue scene highlighting that game’s particular brand of fun, and your first few plays of each selection are rewarded with bits of trivia you can impress your nerdy friends with later. For tabletop history enthusiasts this is an absolutely mandatory piece of software, and as an educational experience it approaches Sid Sackson’s seminal work A Gamut Of Games.
That being said, this is not a review of the software itself. Clubhouse Games: 51 Worldwide Classics is undoubtedly excellent; no further analysis beyond what I’ve stated above is required. Instead, this is a review compilation of the 51 games featured in the package. That’s right, I’ve written 51 separate, albeit brief reviews detailing my thoughts on each and every title. To be clear, these are NOT reviews of the software versions of the games. I will not be discussing anything related to video games or hardware or buttons or graphics or whatever. These reviews are how I feel about these games as tabletop experiences, how deserving I think these titles are to be played around an actual table with actual people in the seemingly cursed year of 2020. Now, have I played all of these games around an honest-to-goodness table at this point in my young, thankfully healthful life? No. But Nintendo did such an outstanding job translating these games into digital experiences that I have no doubt my reviews of them will translate as well. Besides, you can bet your butt the really good ones are going to get some play around my table in the coming months (if the world doesn’t collapse by then, of course). So buckle on up, these are the 51 classics of Nintendo’s Clubhouse Games!
Sorry, I know that whole “buckle on up” thing probably got you all hot and bothered, but I wanted to make a few quick, clarifying notes before we get started:
- These reviews are in the order the games in the compilation are presented in.
- Some of these games have been released commercially under different names and with slightly altered implementations, so if there’s a game I’ve played that I believe my review here also covers I will include it in the title.
- As is my style, scores will be indicated by the number of asterisks (1-5) before the game’s title. I only mention this because I will not be signing these with the scoring statement I end my full-length reviews with.
Ok, for real this time. Seatbelt check. Let’s go!
*** Mancala/Kalah (7th Century)
More specifically known as Kalah, this is a fun two-player counting game where the goal is to collect the most amount of stones on your end of the board. Players take turns picking bowls and placing the stones from them one at a time in the other bowls in a clockwise fashion. Dropping the last stone in your scoring bowl nets you an extra turn. Similarly, dropping the last stone in an empty bowl can steal stones from your opponent. The skill ceiling in the game is quite low, but there is still room to make satisfying combos. Great for younger or inexperienced players just cracking into abstract strategy games. It is a solved game though, so don’t read up on it too much or you’ll ruin the experience of learning it for yourself!
** Dots And Boxes (1889) – Édouard Lucas
This is that boring pencil and paper game that every kid plays at some point without knowing its name. Players alternate drawing lines on a grid attempting to complete more boxes than their opponent. There is some level of skill to it — as there is with nearly every game — but the game is so dull it doesn’t really matter. Also, for like the first half of it nothing happens. I always just draw a perimeter around the grid. Maybe that’s sub-optimal play; I don’t know.
*** Yacht Dice/Yahtzee (1938/1956) – Edwin S. Lowe
Roll some dice, save some for later, and roll again! After three rolls, the goal is to make a “hand” with your dice such as a straight, full house, four-of-a-kind, etc. The catch of the game is that you must score a category every turn, but each category may only be scored a single time. Should you use a roll of 6-6-6-5-5 as three 6s or as a full house? If your roll does not qualify for any remaining category you must mark one as a zero. Ouch! This is an enjoyable, kill-some-time-with-the-family kinda game. The lack of player interactivity ensures a casual experience. A nice one to play on vacation — or maybe on your yacht, you filthy rich elitist scumbag, you!
** Four-In-A-Row/Connect Four (1974) – Ned Strongin & Howard Wexler
Everyone knows this game, and everyone knows it’s boring. The vertical placement of the board reduces placement options down to a scant few and setting up traps for your opponents is arduous and unrewarding, even when they succeed. I have no idea how high the skill ceiling is, because I don’t feel like dedicating any of my mental energy to a game in which I find the most satisfying element the sound the pieces make when they fall into place.
** Hit And Blow/Mastermind (1971) – Mordecai Meirowitz
The classic code-breaking game! It’s pretty bad. One player secretly creates a row of four colored pegs, and the other has to deduce their colors and placement. After each guess, the player receives clues telling them how many of their pegs are the right color and how many are the right color and in the correct place. Every game feels the same, an algorithm solved it in the late 70s, and only one of the players really even “plays” it. Meh.
*** Nine Men’s Morris (1400 BC – AD 1)
I thought I was going to really like this one, but it ended up leaving a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. Players place stones onto points on this weird square pattern attempting to form rows of three, called “Mills”, which allow them to select an opponent’s stone to remove from play. After all stones are placed players instead move them along points on the board, the goal still being to form Mills. Either knocking an opponent down to only two stones or preventing them from being able to move results in a victory. Here’s why I think this game ain’t all that great: 1) moving a stone back and forth repeatedly to form the same Mill over and over is a very unsatisfying way to claim victory, 2) when a player gets knocked down to three stones they can simply start moving them wherever they want, removing the entire blocking element from the game, 3) the board is so crowded after the initial placement phase that you rarely have many movement options. Nine Men’s Morris feels closer to one of those solo puzzle games like the jumping pegs thing at Cracker Barrel than it does a proper two-player abstract. That’s a pretty stupid thing to say about a game that’s over 2000 years old, I know.
**** Hex (1942) – Piet Hein & John Nash
I am beyond horrible at this one, and it is extremely frustrating. Quite an interesting game, though! Your goal is to create an unbroken road of colored hex-pieces from one edge of a rhombus-shaped board to the other while blocking your opponent from accomplishing the very same thing. Its open placement rules and complex spatial puzzle bear a similarity to Go, but the vastly different winning condition makes for a highly distinct experience. Hex has all the makings of a classic abstract, and I hope it sees a resurgence in popularity someday. I’d never even heard of it before and I love abstracts! That reminds me I’ve still yet to play Tak…
*** Checkers (12th-13th Century)
Listen, I’m not going to explain Checkers to you, but I will say I always thought this game was pretty dumb until just now when I played it for the first time since I was a kid only to find out that captures are supposed to be mandatory. Man, that makes way more sense. So yeah, it’s not bad. The late game can be a chore though and frequently ends in draws.
*** Hare And Hounds (1886) – Constant Roy
If for nothing else, this game is worth checking out as an early example of asymmetric game design. One player controls three hounds and tries to corner the other player’s single hare on a tiny board with only a measly 11 spaces. Hounds, though outnumbering the hare, can move only forward or sideways while the hare can move any which way it wants. Therefore, if the hare is ever able to get behind all three hounds it immediately escapes and wins the game. Every match is basically the same and optimal strategies have long since been discovered, but its still an enjoyable little game for what it is.
*** Gomoku (~2000 BC)
This is basically Tic-tac-toe on a Go board, except you need five in a row to win instead of three. Much like Hex, I am unspeakably terrible at it. A world championship for the game has been held yearly since 2009, so its popularity seems to be on the rise which is cool. There’s definitely a lot of depth to chew on here, but I personally don’t find the experience to be all that interesting. The way YINSH smacks my noggin around is much more satisfying.
*** Dominoes (13th-15th Century)
Dominoes is pure relaxation. I’m sure one or two of the million variations of Dominoes that exist play like cutthroat battles of pure strategy (well maybe not “pure”), but I haven’t played them. Match up the numbers, get rid of your high-valued bones first, block your opponents, and make plays that score you points when able. There is just enough skill in the game to keep it from mindlessness, but the huge amount of luck involved ensures people of any experience level can get in on the action. Whatever version you’re playing, the spirit of Dominoes is much the same. Kick back with the family and enjoy.
*** Chinese Checkers (1892)
Despite its highly descriptive title, this game has nothing to with Checkers, nor the Chinese. What we have here is the tragic result of an unfortunately successful marketing campaign by an American toy company in the early 20th century. Regardless of that malarkey, the game ain’t half bad. Your goal is to move all your pieces from one corner of a star-shaped board to another. Normal movement allows for a single space at a time, but jumps over other pieces can be strung together to fly across the board in a single turn. Nice! Hey, maybe that’s where they got the Checkers part from. Something else of note is that this is one of the only abstract games I can think of that is primarily meant for three players.
* Ludo (1896)
This game is hot trash. The absolute worst reimplementation of Pachisi except for maybe Trouble. Victory is based almost entirely on luck, player choice is practically nonexistent, and if you care whatsoever about winning (which you should, that’s the only way a game functions) get ready for an unbelievable amount of frustration as your pieces get sent back to the beginning over and over again. It’s not uncommon to go half a dozen turns or more without even being able to move. This is less of a game and more of a hey-kids-life’s-not-fair training tool for toddlers.
***** Backgammon (~3000 BC)
It doesn’t get more essential than this. Backgammon is roll-to-move done right, a perfect balance of skill and chance. It’s utterly mind-boggling to think that its origins date back some 5,000 years, and how countless cultures and peoples have iterated upon and tweaked it into the classic we love today. Widely accepted changes to the core rules have surfaced even as recently as the early 20th century, when a betting mechanism in the form of the Doubling Die was introduced. The breadth of human experience that has gone into the game’s creation manifests itself with every play, and it’s hard to think of another system that works so well for both a brief, light-hearted match between parent and child and a day-long, white-knuckle gambling thrill ride. That’s not even mentioning its persistent popularity for tournament play! The game’s versatility is astonishing. There will be a day far in the future when some advanced alien civilization is digging through the ashes of the fallen human empire, and when that day comes one of the artifacts they are certain to unearth is a Backgammon board.
*** Renegade/Reversi/Othello (1883) – John W. Mollet or Lewis Waterman
Yet another game I’m awful at. I used to play this on my grandparents’ old DOS computer and got destroyed every time. Your goal is to place stones on either side of your opponents’ to flip them to your color, and whoever has the most stones when the board fills up wins. Every stone you place must flip at least one stone, so it’s crucial in the early game not to flip too many of your opponent’s because you’ll end up limiting your available moves later on. The second player seems to have a slight advantage because of this, but I could be wrong. Like Gomoku, this is a game with plenty of depth that I personally just find kind of annoying. Constantly flipping stones back and forth from black to white and white to black is like slow-motion sea-sickness. Speaking of Gomoku, playing that and this back to back made me realize that YINSH is essentially an amalgam of the two. Neat!
***** Chess (1475)
If you thought I was going to give Chess anything but a perfect score you know nothing about me, and if you know nothing about me: Hi, my name’s Jeff and welcome to my website! There’s nothing to say about this one. It’s the most played and studied board game in the world for a reason. If you think Chess is “overrated” or anything of the sort, you are a silly person.
**** Shogi (16th Century)
Boy, this one gives me trouble. It’s basically Chess with a million other rules thrown in. There are more pieces, more movement rules, unique promotion behaviors depending on the piece (also promotion happens anywhere in the back three rows, instead of just the last), the board is larger, and — here’s the real kicker — you can reintroduce any piece you’ve captured back onto the board. The result of all this is a constantly cluttered board and decision space that I have a lot of trouble wrapping my mind around. I’ve always had an issue with abstracts that give you the option to introduce pieces mid-game — The Duke, Hive, etc. — as I feel like it distracts from the tactical intimacy of the game. As far as I’m concerned, your eyes should never leave the board in games like this. To be fair, it’s not as much of an issue in Shogi because the pieces you can bring out mid-game were part of the battle from the beginning. This keeps its strategic bubble from bursting, but it still dampens my enjoyment of the game. Don’t get me wrong, this is a deeply complex and compelling experience with a ton of history behind it. If it wasn’t so similar to Chess, and if I didn’t find Chess so much more of an enjoyable puzzle to ruminate on, I would consider it essential even with my personal misgivings. I am open to this one growing on me though, and it wouldn’t be the first centuries-old game to do so.
*** Mini-Shogi (1970) – Shigenobu Kusumoto
This is a cute way to play a quicker game of Shogi with a smaller board, alternate set-up, and only a handful of pieces. Getting decent at this (*cough* yeah, right *cough*) made going back to regular Shogi much more manageable for me. Give it a try!
**** Hanafuda/Koi-Koi (16th-18th Century)
It makes a lot of sense that Nintendo would include this as the company was originally formed in the late 19th century for the sole purpose of producing Hanafuda cards. The game most people play with this deck is Koi-Koi, which is what’s included here. I gotta say, this game blew me away. I couldn’t find exactly when it was first introduced, but it’s safe to say it was well over a hundred years ago — which is frankly unbelievable, because the game feels astonishingly modern. Koi-Koi is a mechanically simple, but highly tactical two-player hand-management/set collection game that measures the luck of the draw against skillful play and a tantalizing push-your-luck mechanism. Players compete to be the first to acquire a scoring set of cards by pairing those from their hand with ones of the same suit lying between them on the table. Once a player completes a set, they may choose to end the round there and score it or can keep playing in an attempt to acquire bonus points (which can really rack up). But, but, but! If their opponent scores a set before they finish their second, the opponent’s set scores double. I love these sorts of gambling mechanisms, and this one is no exception. For its time, I can’t think of anything else like Koi-Koi, and anyone that is a fan of two-player card games should nab a Hanafuda deck and give it a try. There’s a bit of a learning curve when it comes to recognizing the twelve suits and, in the case of Koi-Koi specifically, memorizing what the various sets are, but that little hump is much worth hopping over to get to the gaming goodness on the other side.
**** Riichi Mahjong (1924)
A popular Japanese variant of the highly complex gambling game. Please don’t expect me to list any of the subtle strategic differences between the two or anything else like that. Mahjong, like Bridge, is a game that some people dedicate their whole gaming career to, and I simply ain’t got that kind of time. I’ve never played it for money, but I imagine that would ratchet up the tension astronomically. Without it, while undoubtedly deep, the game is long, drawn out, and highly repetitive. Expect to be counting tiles and calculating probabilities over and over if you have any hope of getting decent at this one. Also, the sheer amount of hands and other information you have to memorize in this game is ridiculous. That being said, once you’ve gotten the basics down it can make for highly competitive set collection experience with a very dense information game to it. I could see myself falling for this one when I’m old and retired and need something new to play after finally admitting to myself I’m never going to be good at Bridge. As a side note, my introduction to Riichi Mahjong was a stellar manga/anime series by the name of Akagi. It’s surprisingly tense and atmospheric, and I highly recommend it for anyone into gambling fiction!
** Last Card/Uno (1971) – Merle Robbins
While doing some research for this article, I discovered that Uno was invented in Cincinnati, where I grew up! Unfortunately, the game is pretty stupid. There’s almost no skill involved in playing it apart from some basic, basic decisions where the optimal choice is nearly always obvious. That is if you even have a choice on your turn; you often don’t. The strategy section on the game’s Wikipedia page is good for a laugh though, if nothing else. It basically just says “try to go out first or don’t because someone else will.” It also says “This section does not cite any sources.” Anyway, playing with kids? Okay, sure, whatever, have fun, but it’s hard to imagine a group of sober adults sitting around playing Uno without the idea of it kinda bumming you out.
**Blackjack (17th Century)
Unless you want to play cards for big bucks and don’t understand Poker, this game is a waste of time.
**** Texas Hold ’em (~1900)
With a couple of brews and a couple of bros, a night of Texas Hold ’em makes for a grand old time — granted there’s at least a little bit of money at stake, of course. As far as Poker variants go, this is the best place to start as it’s by far the most popular and widely analyzed (it’s been played for the main event at the World Series Of Poker every year since its inception). With its seductive mixture of open and closed information and climactic round pacing, it’s no mystery why Texas Hold ’em stands head and shoulders over most other forms of the game. If a-gamblin’ ain’t your thing it definitely loses some of its luster due to the inherent repetition involved in playing it, but I encourage everyone to attend a low-stakes $20 buy-in with some friends or acquaintances at some point. You might be surprised how much the intensity of a simple tabletop game increases just from the threat of losing a few dollars!
**** President (20th Century)
This classic party/drinking game, originally known as Daifugō in Japan, has made the rounds internationally over the last century. It’s a fairly standard trick-taking/shedding game in which the player that goes out first each round becomes the President for the next. The goal at that point becomes to hang onto the crown for as long as possible, because losing a single round as President immediately demotes you to last place. In my estimation, this game works exceedingly well as a party game for the following four reasons: 1) The rounds are deliberately unfair, as the President (and some other roles if you’re playing with them) have a significant advantage in the form of lower ranking players being forced to hand over their best cards to them before play begins. This gives an element of narrative to the player dynamics, and it’s always exciting when a long-reigning president is finally toppled. 2) The game is simple enough to be played while inebriated, but far from braindead. Scheming your way through a mediocre hand to get a promotion can be quite a thrill. 3) Social conventions surrounding the game dictate that player roles extend outside of it and inform the participants’ general behavior toward each other. With the right group of people this can lead to some serious yuks. And 4) The game never really “ends”, so you can pop in and out of it as the night requires. Admittedly, this is perhaps an over-analysis of a game many people know as Asshole, but I do think this game has reached the heights of popularity it has for a reason. It’s simply a lot of fun and I think people will be playing it in the future for as long as they’re still consuming alcohol (which is to say forever).
** Sevens (Unknown)
This is the kind of game an uncreative child would come up with if you gave them a deck of cards and told them to go play. All you do is take turns playing ascending or descending cards starting from the, get this, sevens. The only elements of “strategy” I can think of are to play cards that lead toward your other cards and to purposefully withhold ones that other players need. For bored children only.
** Speed (Unknown)
I suppose it’s interesting that Speed is a traditional card game that’s played in real-time — which are quite rare — but it doesn’t exactly make a convincing argument for why there aren’t more of them. To win, you gotta be quick and lucky. That’s all there is to it. It’s kind of like a card game version of a kids’ playground activity.
(Editor’s note: We’re just over halfway through!)
** Matching/Concentration (Unknown)
Mix up several pairs of cards, arrange them in a face-down grid, then take turns trying to overturn matches. What a game. I had a Looney Tunes set when I was a young ‘un. Great for teaching object permanence.
* War (Unknown)
Sorry, I’m anti-War.
* Takoyaki (Unknown)
This one really made an impression on me. I didn’t think there were any other card games as insipid and pointless as War. You know, I’m pretty sure this isn’t even a real game. I mean, check out these Google search results. Regardless, it’s totally brainless. The only decision you make in the entire game is what to do with jokers, and the answer to that requires nothing more than looking at what cards have already been drawn. I’m aware that last sentence is probably meaningless to you, but I’m not going to bother explaining how this game works — it’s too depressing.
* Pig’s Tail (Unknown)
Wow, a terrible gambling game for kids. Get ’em while they’re young!
**** Golf (15th Century)
I’m not going to lie; I didn’t look at the entire list of games featured in this collection before starting work on this article, so imagine my surprise when something like Golf shows up out of nowhere after I’d just forced myself through a bunch of garbage card games. Listen, I’m aware that Golf is in no way, shape, or form a tabletop game, but I’ve committed to reviewing all 51 of these games (and not their software implementations) and that’s just what I’m going to do. However, that’s a pretty big issue here seeing as I’ve never played Golf, and I highly doubt Nintendo’s adaptation of it quite captures the experience. Let me think for a moment. I did hit a few balls once at a makeshift driving range, and that was a lot of fun. Also, one of my favorite toys as a kid was this awesome contraption called Goofy Golf Machine. Also also, they play a lot of Golf in Curb Your Enthusiasm, and that’s one of my favorite shows! Sorry, now I’m just rambling. Alright, I’m going to guess that should I ever get around to playing eighteen holes with my buddies I will really enjoy myself but not consider it essential. Therefore, I will temporarily go with a four out of five. In addition, I will leave some space at the end of this review for an update once I possess a more informed opinion. <Placeholder for my thoughts on Golf after actually playing it.>
**** Billiards (17th-19th Century)
Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into? At least a) this game is actually played on a table, and b) I’ve played a good deal of it, mostly Eight-ball. I mean, am I really going to review Eight-ball? Okay, sure, I will. It’s great. One of the all-time classic bar sports. I love that when the game starts no one even knows what side they’re on, and then sides are determined, and then as the balls reduce in quantity shots get harder and harder, then finally not only do you have to sink the eight-ball, you have to call exactly which pocket you’re going to do it in. The way the stakes escalate as the game progresses gives it an addictive dramatic arc that is making me wish I had a pool table to play it on right now. Man, the sound of a break is satisfying!
**** Bowling (19th Century)
Okay, I guess Bowling is next. It’s fun. I like that you have to wear special shoes for it. Though it’s highly repetitive, the tension of trying to keep a streak of strikes and spares going can be pretty stimulating. Also, it’s funny to go with people who’ve never been before and watch how badly they can screw up such a simple task. Then half the time they start landing strikes five frames later like its nothing while I keep rolling nines. Ugh!
*** Darts (19th Century)
Darts, in any of its forms, is a take-it-or-leave-it experience as far as I’m concerned. The game space isn’t shared between players like it is in Billiards, and the muffled sound of a dart sinking into the board contains only a fraction of the aural pleasure a group of Bowling pins getting blown apart does. Think about this for a second: a perfect throw in Darts sounds exactly like a mediocre one, but the explosion of noise a strike makes is a hundred times more satisfying than the pathetic pitter patter from clearing out a measly 2 or 3 pins. It occurs to me that Darts is basically an official version of the take-turns-seeing-if-you-can-throw-the-thing-in-the-thing game that bored people all over the world partake in to pass the time when they can’t think of anything better to do. Nailing the exact throw you need feels good, sure, but that alone doesn’t make it much of a game.
**** Carrom (19th Century)
As a huge fan of Crokinole, finally being introduced to Carrom was a pleasure. Whereas Crokinole is sort of like tabletop Shuffleboard, Carrom is more of a tabletop Billiards. Both games involve flicking discs across expensive wooden surfaces, though in Carrom there is a specific Striker disc that is used for the flicking. The magic of the game is the way the Queen disc works. You are not allowed to sink all of your discs before the Queen escapes the board, but the only way she can escape is if either player sinks her then immediately sinks a disc of their own color. Being the one that sinks the Queen does not stop your opponent from winning the game however, so choosing the best time to go for her is integral to success. Carrom doesn’t quite have the board state dynamics or shot-by-shot tactical depth of Crokinole, but after a few digital plays of this I am itching to pull the trigger on a board of my own. Too bad nice ones cost like $400!
**** Toy Tennis/Table Tennis (19th Century)
Okay, this article has really gone off the rails now. Toy Tennis, as it is presented in this collection, could never ever exist in real life. The idea of it is preposterous. Therefore, I will review Table Tennis. Wonderful, wonderful game. There was a table at my church growing up that I played on every week. It feels great to thwack that little ball around once you get good enough to really smash it without sending it into the ceiling. I also find the sound of the game highly pleasant. I quite like regular Tennis and Racquetball as well, fun ways to get some cardio in! Something interesting about these games (and “volleying” games in general) is that the longer it takes to score a point the more fun it is. I wonder if that feeling could ever be replicated in a board/card game.
*** Toy Soccer/Foosball (1921) – Harold Searles Thornton
What’s presented in this collection is essentially a terrible version of Foosball, so I’m going to talk about that. Be warned, I’m going to put an idea out there that some may take offense to. You ready? Here it is: does anyone actually like Foosball? I mean like really like it. It’s kind of a stupid game, no? Yes, it can be very satisfying to spin one of those rods around with all your might and launch that weird little ball into your opponent’s goal, but have you have ever played a round of Foosball that really stuck with you? Or sat around thinking about how much you could go for a round of Foosball? It’s such a loud and obnoxious game, too. Picture this: you’re in a bar sipping a brew and there’s a cacophonous game of Foosball going on behind you. Is that a pleasant situation? No, it’s not. In comparison, I have never been annoyed by the sound of a Billiards game. Also, have you ever been speared in the stomach by one of those god-forsaken metal poles and felt like your friend did it on purpose because he was losing? Who needs that kinda of drama in their life?
*** Toy Curling/Curling (16th Century)
Uh, oh. We’re back in Golf territory now. Even worse, Golf I can at least see myself playing at some point in my life. When am I ever going to go Curling? Is this something that people other than Olympic athletes actually do? Hold on for a minute while I… Okay, I just did some research and apparently there are a few places in NYC that periodically offer Curling. Interesting. I guess I should check it out. In the meantime, I’m going to review how fun I think it looks from watching it as part of the Winter Olympics over the years. A little. That’s how fun it looks. It looks like some real minor fun. Anyway, we’ll go with another temporary score and placeholder, but to be perfectly honest I really don’t see myself out on the Curling sheet anytime soon. <Placeholder for my thoughts on Curling if I ever actually play it.>
** Toy Boxing/Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots (1964) – Marvin Glass & Burt Meyer
The obvious real-life equivalency of this collection’s Toy Boxing is Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots, which is great considering I’ve played a bunch of it recently while on a brewery tour in Vermont. There’s really not much to say about the game other than it’s a neat idea for a toy and that I never got past the sneaking suspicion that the product’s build quality was compromising the amount of skill involved in playing it. Regardless, I am highly confident that even with a version of the game that functioned 100% reliably I would get bored of it within five minutes. Also, I vaguely remember playing it as a kid at a friend’s house and not really liking it all that much. Then again, I’m not entirely sure that memory is real, so take it as you will.
*** Toy Baseball/Baseball (19th Century)
Baseball is such a strange mixture of stressful and boring. I was always afraid the pitcher was going to hit me with the ball or that I’d miss an easy catch and embarrass myself. I also remember a lot of sitting and standing around not doing much. Our coach encouraged us to openly mock the opposing team’s batter which I always thought was weird because we were like ten. I don’t know. Not my game. Watching it is even worse!
*** Air Hockey (1969) – Phil Crossman, Bob Kenrick, & Brad Baldwin
Man, Air Hockey was the game back in my Chuck E. Cheese days! I pinched and bruised many a knuckle trying to beat my older brother at it. Sending a bounce shot perfectly around someone’s striker and into their goal felt great! There would always be that one kid that took the game way too seriously and hit the puck so hard it would fly off the table and hit someone in the face (that kid was me). Unfortunately, it’s been diminishing returns regarding the amount of fun I’ve had with the game over the years, and it is now quite low on my list of preferred table sports. I’d probably put it slightly above Foosball, though Air Hockey also makes quite a racket. I’m beginning to notice a lot of my enjoyment of these games comes from the sounds they make while being played.
*** Slot Cars (1912)
In the early days of electricity, someone had the genius idea to utilize it for a home racing game. By the mid-20th century it was a cultural phenomenon in the United States, even though all you do is squeeze a handle to determine how fast the cars go along a predetermined track. I spent a grand total of about 45 minutes of my childhood playing with the set my family owned. To be fair, I do remember having some minor fascination with it, however brief it was. Maybe I’m just too young to appreciate the amount of fun that could be had with these back in their heyday. I should hit up one of those big slot car racing tracks one of these days and see if that changes my opinion on them.
***** Fishing (~38,000 BC) – Ugg The Fisherman (Probably)
The idea of reviewing the act of Fishing is making me laugh out loud while I sit alone at my computer typing these very words you’re reading right now. I’m going to give it a perfect score, because I’m sure getting good at it was immensely helpful for humanity in our early days and also because sushi is my favorite food. And I thought Golf and Curling were as far from tabletop gaming as we were going to stray!
* Battle Tanks/Ground Warfare In The 20th Century (20th Century)
Man, this is just a straight-up video game. There is no consistency at all to the games in this collection. The closest equivalent I can think of to a video game about driving a tank around and firing missiles at your opponents is Ground Warfare In The 20th Century, which I give the lowest possible score. A lot of people have gotten hurt playing it!
* Team Tanks/Ground Warfare In The 20th Century With An Ally (20th Century)
Just because your friend is also blowing people up doesn’t make it okay.
*** Shooting Gallery/Shooting Guns At Stuff (10th-15th Century)
Those shooting gallery games they have at amusement parks are okay, but I’m going to review the good old American past time of firing deadly weapons at random objects in your backyard. I’ve only been properly shooting a single time, and I thought it was okay. It got kinda boring after awhile because the targets we were using were so easy to hit. Also, it was way too loud, even with ear protection on. I think a little drinking would make it more fun (I’m joking! I’m joking!).
*** 6-Ball Puzzle/Throw In A Row (1992)
I am quite proud of this connection. 6-Ball Puzzle is a Tetris-esque game where balls drop in from the top of the screen and you must arrange them by color. Now, does anyone remember Throw In A Row? It’s almost exactly the same thing! Look, it has a perfect ten on BGG! My family used to play it all the time until we lost half the balls. Hitting a switch that dropped a bunch of your opponent’s balls to the floor then watching that same ball sink perfectly into the emptied out column beneath it was awesome. I don’t care that the game was basically just Tic-tac-toe, it was fun.
** Sliding Puzzle (1880) – Noyes Chapman
You know, these things. I wouldn’t expect these to have such a well-documented history with dates and names and all that, but apparently they were massively popular in the late 19th century so there you go. I actually had a 15 Puzzle of my own at some point in my youth, and I tinkered with it many a time. Never had much fun with the darn thing, though!
* Mahjong Solitaire (1981) – Brodie Lockard
Thank goodness, we’re finally back in the vicinity of tabletop gaming. Well, not quite. Trying to play Mahjong Solitaire non-digitally would be way more of a headache than it’s worth. You would have to get someone to meticulously set up a puzzle for you to ensure that a) you wouldn’t already know where all the tiles were, and b) it would actually be possible to solve. And if there’s someone around who’s willing to help you do that, why not just play something with them instead of some crappy solo game about seeing how fast you can notice two things? I guess you could also just shuffle all the tiles together and hope they emerge in a solvable pattern, but either way it seems like a pretty horrible tabletop experience.
** Klondike Solitaire/Patience (19th Century)
I know everybody my age has fond memories of playing this for hours on Windows 95, but I don’t know, this is a pretty sad way to spend your alone time. It’s not completely mindless — there are plenty of strategy tips you can use to maximize your win/loss ratio — but aren’t there a million more stimulating and edifying activities you could be doing instead? Read a book, watch a film, play a video game, get a work out in, come on! Great, now I’m lecturing everybody. Sorry, this article is really starting to get to me.
*** Spider Solitaire (20th Century)
Spider Solitaire is significantly more challenging than Klondike, but that doesn’t mean it’s much more fun. There’s a reason this one is almost solely played digitally, and that’s because without abusing the undo button even the best players in the world have winning ratios under 50%. I understand that the fun for a lot of people with these types of games is the optimization puzzle involved in devising a method of approach that maximizes their winning potential, but games like that have never held much appeal to me. The only game I really enjoy that is even somewhat in the same vein is Cribbage, but there are a multitude of reasons I consider that game a classic and none of them involve its optimization puzzle (hint: it has to do with its social experience, which is obviously lacking in a solo game). So while I acknowledge Spider Solitaire‘s puzzle as a subject of mathematic interest, I don’t think I’ll be dealing myself a game of it any time soon.
Wow, we made it! That was exhausting — for both of us, I’m sure. What started as a curated list of historic tabletop experiences somehow morphed into a hodgepodge of unrelated sports, toys, and puzzles. So are all the classics featured on this list? No, of course not, and some of the more glaring omissions such as Bridge, Go, Crokinole, and Cribbage hurt me more than you probably realize. But regardless of what’s not here (and some of what is), this collection celebrates the vast depth and diversity of experience that gaming has always offered us — decades and centuries and millennia before the modern era we enthusiasts so gluttonously feast upon. Hundreds of new games get released every year now and dozens of themes and mechanics are introduced alongside them. But how many of these do you think will stand the test of time? I believe for a game to truly be great it must tap into innate human truths that are fundamentally and undeniably fun to explore. The thirst for tactical supremacy, the thrill of the gamble, the satisfaction of solving of an opponent’s riddle, the shrewd calling of a bluff, the humor of the unexpected, the discovery of a single weakness that could topple an empire, or whatever else it may be that keeps us coming back to the table again and again and again.
One of the great things about games is that you don’t need to approach them academically or even analytically to enjoy playing them. All you have to do is be willing to immerse yourself in the experience. The same goes for the study and appreciation of tabletop history. Obviously, it is not necessary to be educated in games culture to simply enjoy playing them with your friends and family, but it is absolutely the best way to come to understand how much of a part of us they really are.